Congratulations on your decision to celebrate the Sacrament of Marriage in the Catholic Church. We are pleased that you wish to celebrate your wedding here at St. Thomas More Catholic Church and want you to know that we will be supportive during this time of preparation for your marriage.
A man and a woman make a very serious and sacred commitment when they decide to marry each other in the Catholic Church. Through the sacrament of Marriage, Jesus calls you to draw closer to each other, to your God, and to the local faith community.
Marriage is a permanent commitment to a way of life and it requires careful thought, prayer, and preparation.
In Christian marriage we see mirrored in the love of man and woman the love of Christ for his Church. Just as Christ was always loving and faithful in his commitment to His people, so Christian marriage celebrates before God and God’s people the vowed commitment and the faithful love of a husband and wife "until death do us part."
The Purpose of Marriage Preparation
The overall purpose of marriage preparation within the community of the Church is to assist you in evaluating your readiness to live the married life, which, between two baptized persons, is a sacrament. The primary purpose of the Church's efforts is not to teach you how to be married, but rather, to help you better understand yourselves, as well as your commitment to living your vocation in and for the community of the Church. Likewise, the Church needs to emphasize how important you as a married couple are to the life of the Church. In order to assist you in making the best possible decisions regarding your marriage and to help you prepare well for the sacrament of Marriage, the Church provides guidelines, instructions, and assistance. What follows are the pertinent guidelines and other items of information that will be helpful to you, the engaged couple, as you prepare for your marriage.
You are always welcome to contact us to discuss any questions you may have; however, these guidelines will provide important information concerning your responsibilities, and help you assist the priest/deacon who will be preparing you for marriage. Please read these guidelines carefully.
Wedding Preparation and Guidelines
- The Couple meets with the priest or deacon for initial interview.
During this meeting you will:
- Begin filling out Pre-Nuptial Examination Form
- Register on-line for the FOCCUS Inventory
- Complete application for: “Celebrating your Love: A Diocesan Retreat Day”- www.sdcatholic.org/JOYL
- Receive “United in Christ – Preparing the Liturgy of the Word” workbook and the list of Music choices which can be found online on our Parish website: www.stmoside.org, click Menu, click Weddings or Organ Music Choices Piano Music Choices
- 50% of the Wedding Fee is needed to secure the wedding date. (Cash or check only...no credit cards)
- Identify paperwork to be collected
This paperwork must be turned in at least three months prior to the wedding:
- Baptismal & Confirmation Certificates For Catholics: Certificates dated within six months of the wedding Oftentimes, the Confirmation is on the back of the Baptismal Certificate. Ask for a Baptismal Certificate with notations. For non-Catholics who are baptized: just a copy of your Baptismal Certificate is needed
- Dispensations The priest/deacon will determine which, if any, dispensations may be needed.
- Visiting Clergy If there is a visiting Priest/Deacon who will preside at the wedding, the Visiting Clergy form needs to be completed and returned.
- Previous Marriages If there are any previous marriages, the priest/deacon will determine what paperwork and dispensations will be needed. He will also determine if a Catholic Church annulment may be needed.
- After the initial interview with the Priest/Deacon:
- Individually complete on-line FOCCUS Inventory
- Attend the full-day seminar: "Celebrating Your Love: A Diocesan Retreat Day"
- Choose a "Witness to Love" mentor couple from the Parish
- Begin meeting with mentor couple for six sessions
- Review completed FOCCUS Inventory with Priest/Deacon
- Meet with Priest/Deacon and the mentor couple for the sixth session of Witness to Love
- Provide certificate verifying completion of "Celebrating Your Love: A Diocesan Retreat Day"
- California Civil Marriage License (at least one week prior to wedding date)
- Complete the selection form in the "United in Christ" booklet with chosen Scripture Readings and music
- Meet with the Wedding Coordinator
- Plan the Wedding Mass/Service with the Priest/Deacon; review, verify, and finalize all necessary paperwork (All paperwork and all weddings fees must be submitted one month prior to wedding day)
- Coordinate with the Parish Office Technician for the creation of your worship aid booklet
- California Civil Marriage License must be submitted no later than one week prior to wedding date
It is necessary that we address the subject of appropriate attire for the bride and groom and the wedding party.
We seriously request that the bride, the groom and the wedding party exercise good judgment and good taste when selecting their attire for the wedding ceremony.
The attire should be respectful of the fact that the wedding is occurring in sacred space, and the attire should reflect that reality.
Know that all music must be sacred music and must be rendered “live.” Taped or recorded music is not permitted.
You may have some special needs or requests, but mostly weddings will employ the use of both organist and cantor. The organ and piano are the principal instruments in the Roman Catholic liturgy, and provide the kind of foundational sound that gives an assembly the strength and confidence it needs to participate actively in the singing.
The use of a cantor, who animates and encourages an assembly to join in the sung prayer, is also highly advised. It is difficult to ensure that those parts of the liturgy that are meant to be sung will in fact be sung unless there is a cantor to lead the singing.
You are encouraged to review the music lists using the links below and choose the music you would like. Download the form(s) and save them, then open in Adobe Reader to complete, save, and print or email. Your choices of Scriptures and Music will be presented to the priest or deacon at a meeting when planning the wedding liturgy.
Douglas Lynn (760-758-4100 x140) is the Parish Director of Liturgy and Music and can also be available for assistance.
If you would like to supply any of your own musicians, you must speak with Douglas Lynn prior to engaging any such musicians. It is his role to screen and approve any guest musician(s) and to approve all musical selections. All these matters must be finalized no later than one month prior to the wedding day.
Finally, be aware that your musicians would normally not be present for the rehearsal, as the rehearsal is for the wedding party. If for some reason you would like your musician(s) to be present for the rehearsal, and they agree, you should be aware that it is appropriate to pay them an additional fee for their time.
For good liturgical participation of the Assembly in the Wedding Ceremony, St. Thomas More will create and provide Worship Aids for the members of the Assembly. Our Parish Office Technician, Lorraine Doering, will oversee this process. The cost of the Worship Aids is included in the Church fee.
Flowers and other decorations
We ask that you use discretion in your choice of arrangements in regard to floral arrangements and decorations.
The use of specialty items such as balloons, caged birds, ornate arches, and other such items are not allowed. Flowers and other decorations are not to be placed on the altar or ambo. The Church provides flower stands, which are in keeping with the design of the sanctuary.
There are some cultural practices that can be included if you so desire: Lighting of a Unity Candle; the use of the veil (el velo), coins (arras), and cord (lazo), and Presentation of Flowers to Our Lady.
Your florist is responsible for removing all candle stands, ribbons, ferns, floral arrangements, and their debris from the church immediately following your wedding. If this is not possible, a designated member of the bride or groom's family must assume this responsibility.
The use of runners of any type, cloth or plastic, is not permitted. Using a runner greatly increases the risk of personal injury due to tripping and is therefore not allowed.
Decorations attached to the seats of the church must be attached by non-scratching plastic clips. Tape of any kind is not permitted to attach decorations. Electric candles and lights are inappropriate for a church wedding ceremony and therefore are not to be used.
Family members, friends and guests We strongly encourage you to involve family members and friends as readers, ushers, altar servers, (and during a Wedding Mass), Extraordinary Ministers of the Eucharist, and presenters of the bread and wine.
During your initial meetings with the priest/deacon he will discuss and advise you as to each participant's role.
Members of the wedding party and wedding guests are expected to conduct themselves in a dignified manner.
Smoking is not permitted in the church building or anywhere on the Parish Campus.
No alcoholic beverages are permitted at any time or anywhere on the Parish Campus before, during, or after the wedding rehearsal and ceremony.
Rice, flower petals, birdseed, confetti, or the like may not be thrown or otherwise spread on church property. Such materials can cause an injury to members of your wedding party, guests at the ceremony, and our congregation. It is your responsibility to inform those invited to your wedding of this regulation.
Waiting Room We have an area for the use of the bride and her attendants. The wedding party should come dressed in their gowns/dresses. Dressing at the Church is not an option. Also the space cannot accommodate hair and make-up preparation.
Flowers for bride and groom and their attendants should be delivered to this waiting area. St. Thomas More Parish cannot be held responsible for valuables left in this area or any other area of the church during the wedding or the photo sessions.
- They may not be in or behind the Sanctuary at any time during the Celebration.
- They cannot be in the center aisle, except during the Processional and Recessional.
- They may never be “in between” the Bride/Groom and the Presider.
- No flash photography.
- Be respectful of our sacred space…no jumping “in between” and “in and out” of the pews during the Celebration.
- Outside drones must be approved.
These guidelines are intended to ensure a reverent and joyful celebration of your marriage within the context of the Church's liturgy. Please know that our sincere desire is to cooperate with you in preparing a celebration of your marriage that is both meaningful and memorable.
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